Loving Submission: A Guide to Christianity and BDSM

Although I am not a Christian and have never been one, we have quite a bit in common. We are both submissives.

Submission is an interesting idea. With our rebellious, independent cultural values, we generally think of submission as a bad thing. We associate it with an abused spouse or the citizens of a dictatorship. It is the will of someone else that supersedes your own will.

In our culture, we are taught that our will is paramount. It drives democracy through individual freedoms and choice; it also empowers us as consumers. But there is certainly something to be said for losing one's will.

In truth, everyone from a janitor to President of the United States is both submissive and dominant. The president must submit to the wishes of the people (in theory) and the janitor can impact the ability of others to do their job.

Loving submission is the concept of holding power over someone for their own good. We are all familiar with this idea if we had parents growing up. In a sense, being submissive keeps us child-like. It keeps us innocent.

Again, this is in theory.

In Christianity, you submit yourself before God. You fall to your knees, bow your head, and clasp your hands together in a position of contrition. Prayer is the ultimate submissive pose. It is also very similar to how people approach royalty, which makes me wonder which came first.

This position is completely defenseless. Anyone in this position would find it difficult to attack or defend anyone, which I believe was the original point. But the more practical point is that it creates a feeling of humility. From this restrictive and formal position, you look up at your benefactor, accepting that they are... well, holier than thou.

Even prayer in solitude is submitting oneself to God. A large part of Christianity is about accepting that you are a sinner and can only be redeemed through the son of God (which I think is just a technicality to keep out the Jews).

These concepts actually form the basis for BDSM, but in this practice, instead of worshiping an abstract God, you worship a flesh and blood person. This requires one person who is willing (even eager) to be deified and one person who is eager to submit to them. Although this can be a 24/7 arrangement, few people have that sort of commitment, so usually this arrangement is limited to a period of fantasy roleplay.

Although the context is incredibly different, the motivations are very similar. Both are looking from freedom of the harsh uncertainty of every day life. They are looking for someone they believe in, who they can trust implicitly, who will take care of them. In BDSM, this is done through a sexual partner who exhibits sexual control. In Christianity, this is done through an abstract deity who exhibits spiritual control over you.

Essential to each is the loss of control. When the control is displaced to another person or idea, there is a feeling of relief from responsibility that is intensely attractive. There is the underlying thought is that everything else in the world can go to shit and you may do a lot of stupid things, but as long as you are devoted to those ideals, you will be alright.

We don't often get this kind of reassurance as adults... and when we do, we don't often believe it. Nor should we. The world is a big, bad, unpredictable place. In church, there is certainty about the way things work, but even better, there is the promise that it will all be worth it in the end. In BDSM, their are no rewards in the after life, but there may be quite a few offered on a regular basis.

Too much of the focus in BDSM is on the abuse, the graphic degradation. In part, this is because we are attracted to the extremes, but even this should be viewed like a fan of horror films. The fact that someone feels a rush of adrenaline and finds comfort in the "dark" end of the spectrum is not so unusual, just taboo.

Conversely, the warm and austere environment of the church makes this sort of submission seem natural and healthy. It initiates an individual in their community under a single figure of worship. But I would argue that the simplicity and uniformity of this process exploits the ignorance of the adherent in multiple aspects of their life.

Where a pastor might champion a political cause (such as ending gay marriage), there is usually a distinction in BDSM relationships of where the power is exercised. None but the most extreme relationships would dictate control over political issues (of course, this would be difficult to enforce). In most relationships, this control would be exhibited in purely sexual situations, but it could extend itself from that into more casual relationship territory. The point is, there are boundaries to this control in BDSM because it is recognized that the power exchange is voluntary and dependent on a context. Christianity doesn't have this limitation and so extends from the church to the bedroom and everything in between.

I started writing this post after hearing a version of the Warrior's Prayer that was rooted in lush submissive terminology. It was passionate in a way that I would find appropriate for sex, but inappropriate for religion. There is a certain kind of passion in love and sex that is appropriate to a person, but when you mold it on to this abstract, manipulative ideological construct, it becomes perverted (irony).

I guess I find that arena of spirituality and politics to be sacred and individual. I don't think that this sort of submission is healthy. I think it erodes the spirit and brings us all down with it. Submission to a person, although it may complicate the relationship, really only exists in the context of that relationship... and while there is doubtless the potential for abuse, there isn't the illusion that this relationship is embedded in the nature of the universe.

Yet, if I may continue to stretch this metaphor, there are many different kinds of sexual submissives just as their are many kinds of Christians. There are casual practitioners who don't really delve into why they do it; it just feels good and its not a life consuming practice. There are those who take is very seriously until they have taken all of the fun out of it and are just unwaveringly obedient. And there are those who study deeply, walking the line between casting aside old beliefs and finding new interpretations.

I'd like to be the wide-eyed, curious student eager to learn... but really I would say I'm more the skeptic. I'm like the biblical student who lost god because he saw all the inconsistencies in the bible. I'd like to be hopeful and faithful, but while there is a church in every town, some belief systems are less open and widespread.